Apr 26, 2013

My New Blog

I decided to create a new blog. There are some things I want to write about that don't fit well on this blog. My new blog will be a place where I can write about things other than healing and medicine.

I plan to keep this blog active - at least for now. But I may migrate some of my stories from this blog to my new one. 

If you'd like to check out my new blog you can find it at: prayingmedic.com

Apr 24, 2013

Out of Your Mind and Into His: The Power of a Free Imagination


My guest blogger today is my friend Joel Adifon. This is an extraordinary message on supernatural ministry. It is long, but well worth digesting and seeking greater revelation on. The original message (with comments) can be found here
While learning to play with a supernatural God in the midst of super normal, everyday life, Holy Spirit has been showing me something.

The imagination has become the most atrophied muscle in the Church’s body.

We’ve traded fresh bread from Heaven and the meat of personal encounter for stale routine and milky, chewed up revelation.

The fact of the matter is: we were never meant to live off another person’s relationship with God or expression of faith.

When we become overly dependent on institutional structure for sustenance, we risk modeling ourselves after those who seem to have ‘gotten it’.

We risk taking our eyes off Christ-in-us, the unique way that Jesus wants to express the creativity of Heaven through you and me.

Oftentimes, if the way someone’s expressing Jesus looks different from how we’ve done it or outside our comfort zone, we tend to be quick to label it ‘worldly’ or ‘carnal’.

I remember seeing a video on facebook a while ago where an amazing singer was performing at a church and he took some love songs by Alicia Keys, R-Kelly, and other famous ‘secular’ artists and sang them to Jesus.

I thought it was amazing and a great way to really challenge the sacred/secular divide (the concept that God can alone be encountered in overtly ‘sacred’ spaces or experiences and the ‘secular’ is devoid of His presence) that so many of us believers have in our minds.

Of course, not everybody saw it this way. A lady commented on it and said that, because the author had uses ‘secular’ songs, his worship to Jesus was ‘carnal’.

- _______________ -

I cringed in disgust at her comment, reminded of the fact that I, myself, once thought that way.
Blake Healy, author of The Veil (an awesome book which I suggest you get) says,
Unfortunately, it is our tendency as Christians to see everything that is in the world as being of the world. The truth is that people are complicated. They are not simply bad or simply good. Art carries the same spiritual complexity as its creators. I believe it is spiritually immature to say any creative work that doesn’t perfectly comply with our belief system is to be rejected and avoided. It would be equally immature to ignore our own personal convictions and just absorb everything… …The problem comes when we only look skin deep, both spiritually and physically. When it comes to the things that enter through our eyes and ears, I believe that real maturity happens when we can learn to eat the meat and spit out the bones, or to put it in biblical terms, separate the tares from the wheat. In this way we will not make the mistake of the Pharisees and be offended by Jesus when he comes in an unexpected way.

Just because a product of someone’s imagination has been abused or has been associated with negativity does not mean that the Father can’t express Himself through it.


“The crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, slavery, and the subjugation of women are just a few of thehorrible things that have been done in the name of the Bible. Should you throw away your Bible? No. The point is that you need the voice of the Holy Spirit in your life for everything, without it anything can be twisted, but with it anything can be redeemed.” – Blake Healy, The Veil

What if we’ve been wrong to ban people from reading ‘Harry Potter’?

What if the way we disempower the lies of the fallen angel is not by fleeing from secular culture or trying to make Christian copies of its products, but by embracing it with the full brunt of the Father’s love?

So where am I going with all this?

Well, week and a half ago, I was talking to my friend ‘Omar’ (if you don’t know already, Omar is a spiritual big brother of mine who sees Jesus face to face on an almost daily basis, yet has a really good grasp on being normal at the same time) and, as usual, he shared his heart and many of my religious boxes were getting broken.

During the conversation, Omar shared with me that the word ‘cherubim’ is actually symbolic of imagination.

As is customary whenever Holy Spirit is trying to teach me a new idea, I was instantly bombarded with verses on God and cherubim and found myself getting hammered on His presence.

I decided to check out what Omar had told me.

According to Strong's Exhaustive Concordance, the word cherubim comes from the Hebrew keruwb, and means "a cherub or imaginary figure." The Hebrew Lexicon repeats this and adds the following: "A figure compounded of that of a man, an ox, a lion, and an eagle (three animals which come together with man, symbolized power and wisdom. See Ezekiel 1 and 10)." 

Once I read that Dad began to bring some verses to remembrance.


O Lord of All, the God of Israel, Who sits on the throne above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the nations of the earth. You have made heaven and earth.” - Isaiah 37:16 


“He mounted the cherubim and flew;he soared on the wings of the wind.” - Psalm 18:10

“Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.” - Psalm 22:3

Okay, so you’re probably thinking: these verses are nice, but what does God riding on a cherubim or being enthroned on the praises of Israel have to do with anything?

Hee-hee! Fasten your seat belts! Holy Spirit is about to do His thangy thang!!!

Check this out.

We’ve already determined that the word ‘cherubim’ is symbolic for the imagination.

Isaiah 37:16 talks about the Lord being enthroned on the Cherubim.

Psalm 22:3 talks about God being enthroned on the praises of His people.

Okay, so let’s take this a little further.

If Matthew 12:34 and Luke 6:45 are right, if our mouths really speak out of the overflow of our hearts, then our praises reveal what we believe about God.

In other words, our praises reveal the picture of God our imaginations are connecting to in that moment.

Woah.

God is seated on the praises of His people.

God is seated above the realm of our imaginations.

You following me? This thing gets so much better.

Ephesians 2:6 says we’ve been seated in Heavenly places with Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 3:20 says God “can do exceedingly above whatever we ask, think or imagine.

Here’s something to think about.

God is seated above what we can ask, think, or imagine Him to be.

He’s seated far above how good we think He is, how compassionate He is,  how loving He is, how merciful He is, how gracious He is, and how powerful and willing to move He is!

Guess what, we’re seated in that place right there with Him.

1 Corinthians 6:17 says that, “whoever is joined with the Lord is one spirit with Him.

According to Jesus, in John 17:22, we have inherited the glory the Father gave Him before the foundation of the world.

Think about it.

If God is exceedingly above whatever we can ask think or imagine, than we are too.

Our potential in Christ as offspring of God is exceedingly above whatever we can ask, think, or imagine.

Say wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut?

Let’s keep going!

Psalm 18:10 says God “mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind.”

So check this out.

Cherubim = symbolic for imagination.

God is seated above the imagination.

He is seated far above whatever we could ask, think, or imagine about Him.

We are seated with Him.

God is flying on the cherubim.
 
So if God is soaring on our imagination, if He is moving, then His power for, with, and through us, is moving exceedingly above whatever we could ask, think, or imagine.

We literally have access to a limitless, matchless supply of power.

So, if this is true, why is the average believer not seeing creative miracles pop like it’s nobody’s business?

Why are not we experiencing the completely victorious, uninhibited, and free lives Jesus paid for us to have?

I remember hearing Bill Johnson say one time, “The only closed Heaven is between our ears”.

Our minds, our imaginations, have been completely freed through what Jesus accomplished on the cross, but after being under the dominion of the inhibiting reign of sin, they need to be programmed to think with their full God-like capacity.

In Romans 12:2, Paul calls us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. 

In this case, since we’re focusing specifically on our imaginations, we need to allow our imaginations to be free to stretch and move in the way that God designed them.

How do our imaginations get set free?

By experiencing Truth.

Look at it this way: having access to an unlimited supply of powerful rockets does nothing for you if you don’t have the launch codes.

I remember one time, Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Truth alone doesn’t change you. Knowing the Truth does. You have the fullness of God, yes? Well, My son, you are transformed by what you experience.” 

When we begin to experience the Truth that we have the Mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16), then our imagination is freed to move accordingly and become a unique expression of God’s creativity.

For instance, at the end of the phone convo I had with Omar a week and a half ago, Holy Spirit told Omar, "Your prayers become your reality."

When our minds are inhibited by an orphan spirit, or the belief that we are not Sons and Daughters of a God whose good pleasure it is to give us the Kingdom (Luke 12:32), but rather beggars who need to strive for His Love, then what we pray will be a reflection of that.

Our imagination will not be free to ask God for things that actually reflect our belief that He can do exceedingly above whatever we ask or think.

If we’re not praying this way, then we definitely won’t be living this way.

We will not be taking risks in the Kingdom or setting out to do things that will require the power of God to accomplish. We will ‘be safe’ in an effort to protect ourselves from disappointment. 

Our imagination cannot flourish in this environment.

So, this brings us back to a point I raised earlier.

The imagination has become the most atrophied muscle in the Church’s body.

Assuming this is true, who or what is responsible for this?

Let’s take a look.

Ephesians 6:11 says, 

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” 

The word 'wiles' in the Greek is methodeia which means "cunning arts, deceit, craft, or trickery", basically all perversions of the imaginations for evil. 

Ah, spiritual warfare.

A lot of sermons and sermons in the Charismatic church focus heavily on this very topic.

Binding Principalites. Toppling Territorial spirits. Breaking Strongholds.

Sound familiar?

As a kid growing up with an African Charismatic extended family, I remember hearing about the various and elaborate ways people used to try to combat principalities and demonic powers.

Since those days, Dad has really been teaching me about the simplicity of the Gospel and, as a result, my whole approach to spiritual warfare has shifted.

If we want to see ‘revival’ break out (whatever that means), then we have to begin to dream with the full creativity of God. 

Keep in mind that we’re seated with Jesus in heavenly places in Christ, in a realm that’s above whatever we can ask think or imagine.

We have the upperhand here. But, if we don’t realize that we’ll tie ourselves up and burn ourselves in dead works, things that are unnecessary when we realize who we are.

Let’s take a look at a passage that a lot of spiritual warfare is based off of: Ephesians 6:12

Ephesians 6:12 says, 

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Now, before you pop a hernia getting out your sword and your salt and start chopping down these spiritual entities, I’ve got a  better idea.

Let’s take a look at 2 Corinthians 10:5,

casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ”

Woah.

“Wait a minute?”

“So, Joel, are you telling me that most of what spiritual warfare is, is freeing our imagination from outside imaginations that try to hijack it?”

Yep.

Whenever the fallen angel tries to plant thoughts in your head and get you to start dwelling on them, he’s trying to project the fruit of his wiles or perverted and twisted imagination onto you.

We have the mind of Christ, so as we begin to take every thought captive by submitting to this reality from a place of rest, our ability to imagine and dream with the creativity of God increases.

In my opinion, the spirit of religion is the most dangerous principality or twisted imagination that tries to rise up against the knowledge of God.

Why?

Because it inhibits our mind’s ability to conceive God (and as a result, ourselves) as being exceedingly above whatever we can ask think or imagine.

Religion is a box that says ‘God can’t be better or crazier than what He’s already shown me to be’ or ‘I’ve arrived, there’s no way God’s much more than who He’s already revealed Himself to be.’

The spirit of religion leads to unbelief.

Dad has been showing me that unbelief has to do with the mind, faith is in the heart.

Unbelief happens when the imagination is so constricted by the mind’s perception of the current natural circumstances that it can’t access the power of a God who is exceedingly above whatever we can ask, think, or imagine.

Romans 8:7 says, “the carnal mind is at war with God.”

Now, a lot of people have come to associate carnality with sin because Paul often uses that word in that context, but the real definition of being ‘carnal’ lies in being dominated by your five senses.
We see this play out in Matthew 17:14-20 when nine of the disciples try to cast a demon out of an epileptic boy and were not successful. 


“And when they had come to the multitude, a man came to Him, kneeling down to Him and saying,15 “Lord,have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and suffers severely; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water. 16 So I brought him to Your disciples, but they could not cure him.”
17 Then Jesus answered and said, “O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him here to Me.” 18 And Jesus rebuked the demon,and it came out of him; and the child was cured from that very hour. 19Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” 20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief;[b] for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”

There are some things I want to highlight here really quickly.

The disciples had seen countless miracles before this point, so them praying for the boy and having nothing seem to change, probably came as a shock to them.

When they prayed for the boy and his ordeal wasn’t improving, their imagination became perverted (hence Jesus’ ‘perverse generation’ comment) into only focusing on a reality in which  the boy’s seizures were stronger than a God who could work exceedingly above whatever they could ask, think, or imagine.


Because the gate of their imaginations was not completely open, they were not able to access the full power of the God whose fullness of power dwelled in the realm above their imagination.

There are two key things to remember here.
  1. The disciples had enough faith. Jesus said faith the size of a mustard seed would have gotten the job done.
  2. The discples' faith wasn’t the problem. Their unbelief was.

Unbelief has to do with being carnally minded or having an imagination that has been twisted into focusing on how a negative situation appears to the five senses.

An imagination in this state cannot access the power the One who dwells in the realm above its conception of His ability.

Faith calls one to look higher at the One who can do exceedingly above whatever we can ask, think, or imagine and see ourselves seated in this realm with Him.

But, when the imagination is boxed in by unbelief, it is easy to be overwhelmed by situations that require the creativity of God.

So how can unbelief produced by the spirit of religion dwell in a place that belongs to the Spirit of the One who produces faith in workings above what we can ask think or imagine?


Principalities can only stay where they have a place to land. While casting down a principality will remove it from its place, it is much more profitable and powerful to change the spiritual ecosystem that attracted it in the first place. If there is a spirit of poverty over your city, be generous. If there is a spirit of anger, release peace… …If there is a spirit of fear, release love. It is possible to cast down a principality through prayer, but it is impossible for a principality to remain in a culture that has made no room for it.” – Blake Healy, The Veil


Okay, so let’s recap.
  1. We’ve talked about the current situation that has occurred as a result of the imagination’s inhibition.
  2. We’ve gone over the imagination’s potential to unlock a realm above what we can ask, think, or imagine when partnered with God.
  3. We’ve looked at how the advances of hostile imaginations or demonic oppression can present a hindrance to our ability to dream and imagine freely.

Now that we’ve talked about all that, let me share about a tool God gave us to free our imaginations.


Worship.

At the beginning of John 4:19-24, Jesus has an encounter with a Samaritan woman where He shows her unconditional love in spite of her many mistakes and faults.

While the discourse between Jesus and the Samaritan woman is awesome, as a whole, I want to focus in on one part of the conversation.

19 The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”
21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. 23 But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

Okay, so it’d probably be a good idea to pause this thing real quick and tell you that this passage is, in my opinion, one of the most quoted passages when it comes to the concept of worship.

I have heard my fair share of worship leaders and bands talk about their own personal revelations on this passage, things that Dad has shown them in their personal histories with Him.

I guess you could I say Dad started opening up my mind to see this scripture in a new way.

A lot of times, people making worshipping in ‘spirit and truth’ a method.

It’s not.

This sort of worship represents the intersection of two different realms. 

In the same way that we discovered the imagination is an actual realm that exists in the Heavenlies between what is seen as ‘natural’ existence and the infinite ‘supernatural’ (I like to call it supernormal) Presence of God, worshipping God in spirit and truth means dwelling in a place where Heaven and Earth have literally kissed as seamlessly joined lovers.
 
The Realm of the Spirit has to do with the heart.

In this place, the inexpressible depths of my heart reach out to God and touch the inexpressible depths of His heart.

Check out these verses.


Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me.”  - Psalm 42:7


The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12 What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us.” - 1 Corinthians 2:10-11


“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” - Romans 8:26-27

Now, that you’ve seen what the Realm of the Spirit looks like, let’s talk about the Realm of Truth.

The Realm of Truth has to do with a renewed mind.

When the Spirit is set free to move through a liberated imagination, the fullness of worship, a life fully manifesting the glory of God is displayed.

Spirit has to do with transcendence, the inexpressible. 

When God wants to speak, He often touches our hearts with revelation that usually can't be expressed. But, we don't just live in the Spirit in heavenly places, we live on earth.

Because of this reality, there is a desire in every person to express the inexpressible into tangible language.

So check this out.

The realm of the Spirit is an invisible reality (Heavenly places).

The realm of Truth is a visible and perceived reality (Earth-Realm).

When the Realm of the Spirit (Heaven) meets the Realm of Truth (Earth), the result is manifestation.

The part of the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:10 that says, “Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.’  Is a calling for a tangible manifestation of the invisible realm into the visible.

His power (in the invisible) wants to be revealed (shown in the visible).

Our imaginations are the gateways that allow Him to do this. 

God modeled us after Himself. He had a vision and a purpose for how He wanted the world to look in His mind, He saw it and then moved to create by speaking it forth (tangibly agreeing with what He had seen).

We have been given this same potential.

Unfortunately, so many of us have been told ‘no’ and ‘be careful’ too often, frequently reprimanded for thinking outside the box, that our imaginations are afraid to stretch and go places beyond the confines of religion.

I have so many stories of people I know who were having genuine experiences with God, only to have people tell them it was ‘all in their head’, ‘from the devil’, or the product of an ‘overactive imagination.’

I recently remembered a scene (shout out to my big sis Emma Wallace ;D ) from Harry Potter (GASP! He’s talking about Harry Potter in this note?!? Relax guys, didn’t you read what came before this?) where Harry Potter dies after facing Voldemort, ends up in a limbo-like state in between life and death, and sees his old headmaster Dumbledore.

He was so happy to see his former mentor and protector, but asks Dumbledore if what he is experiencing is actually real.

Dumbledore snappily replies, “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

Regardless of how you feel about Harry Potter, these words are so appropriate for our journey as super normal people learning to play with a Supernatural God in everyday life.

Who cares if you’re the only one seeing what God is showing you or you’re seeing it in your ‘mind’s eye’ and not with your natural eyes?

It doesn’t make it any less real.

My friend Matt Nali said something really profound the other day, “Everything that is, once only existed in the realm of imagination!”

Every invention. Every painting. Every song.

All of these things once only existed in someone’s head.

Think about it.

What would it be like to live like God’s power really was exceedingly above whatever you could ask, think, or imagine?

What would you do if you were completely free from the limitations of religion?

What would you create?

What if you came up with new ways of setting people free or seeing someone healed?

What if you tossed a basketball for someone to catch and they got out of a wheelchair?

What if you made some banging food, prayed over it, gave it to someone to eat, and they were healed of cancer?

What if you rapped and someone got set free of years of demonic torment.

The truth is, the possibilities are endless.

There’s only rule: there ARE NONE if you’re being moved by love and relationship.

I want to leave you with a story from my dude Matt Nali about a breakthrough he had this past weekend with seeing in the Spirit.

Take it away, Matt!


I remember having really vivid dreams as a kid.  I remember waking up from a hellish nightmare, only to see the same kind of thing in my bedroom. I remember seeing good as well. I remember not understanding what I was seeing.

But, what I remember most clearly is that it all stopped.

For the majority of my life, I've been the kid with the overactive imagination. I've been the kid lost in a world of dinosaurs and power rangers as real to me as my own family. Creating a world around me, and interacting with that world was (and still is) as easy for me as putting on a jacket when it's cold out. However, I didn't realize until recent years how important it is to imagine.

This idea that you can see into the spirit realm with your natural eyes was what drove me. I remember starting to pursue it when I was twelve, (having forgotten entirely about the dreams and sights I saw when I was young). For the next six years, anybody I mentioned this idea to either shot it down as not possible, something that God didn't allow anymore, or (in the more charismatic circles) a gift you could have, but only in your mind's eye.

Then I met Omar.

Obviously, for the sake of his privacy and consistency with Joel's other notes ,"Omar"is an alias. There is a really real person behind the name though, someone who is worth knowing just for who he is. Enough said.

When I met Omar he talked about seeing in the spirit, I immediately prepared myself for disappointment when I asked him my question, "do you mean with your eyes, or just in your mind’s eye?" He gave me a look and basically told me he sees angels just like he sees me.

This little spark of hope caused me to go after this again with renewed energy (and probably caused me to be more than a little annoying to Omar). However I didn't see things in the natural like Omar, not for a couple of years.

Good news! That was all backstory!

Recently Dad has been talking about imagination.

One thing that I've always remembered from my studies is that, in some cultures, the word for perception didn't differentiate between seeing with your natural eyes and your mind’s eye. 

Basically that what you imagine and what you see are each as valid as the other.

I can see all sorts of things for people in my imagination, but I could only count a few times where I had an "open" vision.

I only recently began experiencing this truth about perception though, when one day Holy Spirit said to me about seeing in the spirit "see in your imagination, then let that seep into your natural vision until it overtakes it.

I had been invited to minister at a prophetic conference with some friends so I decided to do that, instead of just practicing prophecy.

At first I saw things in my imagination, but the more I stayed in that I began to see in the natural as well until, it didn’t matter to me whether I was seeing in the natural or with my imagination, it all just blended together.

I started seeing people's first and middle names, business strategies and finances next to people, angels, family members etc.

It was the next morning when I was processing through it with Holy Spirit that I realized that it took just as much faith for me NOT to see in that realm, as it took for me TO see in that realm. It wasn't a matter of unbelief, but even though I was unaware, I was by faith keeping myself from seeing.

Just like a light switch, your faith keeps (this realm) on, and also keeps it off.

This is your inheritance.

Nothing's holding you back.

GO!

Apr 18, 2013

Baptism, Deliverance and Visions of Two Children - Jesse Snow


Jesse SnowMy guest blogger today is Jesse Snow. This was posted on his Facebook page.

I was recently babysitting my friends' two daughters and as I was praying in tongues one of them asked me how I learned to speak in tongues. I said I didn't learn because it's not a skill it's a gift that anyone can receive for free. She asked me why I do it and I told her about how incredible it is. She asked me how she could do it to and I said "if you want it we can pray and Jesus will give it to you." 

Her little sister said she wanted in as well, so after going through some scriptures on the subject I prayed with them and they started speaking in tongues. When they did the older girl said she thought she was just producing the language with her mind, so I wrote some math problems down as well as the instructions "draw a picture of a butterfly" on a piece of paper. I had her start speaking in tongues and then handed her the paper to fill out. She spoke fluently in tongues while completing all of it. Then to confirm it even more I had her put headphones on and listen to music so that she couldn't hear herself, but she was still speaking fluently without hearing herself or producing it with her mind.

While she was listening to music I led the younger sister in this prayer: "Jesus, reveal yourself to me." Then I prayed in tongues over her for a couple minutes and asked her if she saw anything. She excitedly began describing a detailed vision where she was in a garden with Jesus. He put his hand on her head, hugged her and kissed her.

Then we prayed for her older sister the same way. She had a vision where there was a bright light outside her window. She went out her window to the light and saw a king with brown hair, a beard, and a white robe (aka Jesus). He hugged her and kissed her then took her hand and they started flying. He took her up to heaven where she saw lots of kids playing in a park and having lots of fun. She also said she picked an apple off a tree and it was the most delicious apple she had ever tasted. She then saw lots of seats and older people sitting on the seats, including her grandma and grandpa (who died before she was born).

She looked into Jesus' eyes and then went into them and was walking with Jesus next to an ocean that was really big, blue, beautiful, totally clear and smooth. I told her that what she saw was the sea of glass and that John wrote about in the Revelation (Rev.4:6, 15:2). She has since been to heaven a few more times, hugged her grandparents, and met angels.

By this time the girls were eager to pray and experience more of Jesus. I would lay hands on them and pray for them in tongues (anybody can do this by the way, its really easy w/ kids because they have much stronger vision in the spirit world than we do) and they would close their eyes and relax while Jesus took them into a vision. He never ran out of things to show them.

The problem was that each time the younger girl had a vision, it would start off well but then end badly. She would come out of the vision with a fright saying "Ah! That was scary!" The first time I thought she just misinterpreted the vision, but the next time it happened and she described what she was seeing I realized it was not something that Jesus would have shown her. She became afraid of praying anymore. So I said "We're going to pray and get rid of these bad guys that are trying to scare you okay?"

Now, I don't normally go around commanding demons to surface in 6-year-olds, but I realized that something was there abusing my little sister so I wanted to get rid of it. I commanded any poopheads (didn't use the words demons much, wanted to keep it playful and un-intimidating for the girls) present to manifest and she started hearing their voices loud and clear in her head.

Their were 11 demons in her. How does a 6-year-old manage to have 11 demons you ask? Its because the idea that only drug users, witches, and ppl involved in terrible sins can have demons is a myth. When you start doing deliverance you see how the enemy really works. I've cast demons out of people that were assigned to them at birth. Demons can often see the call of God on someone's life and attack them simply because they want to prevent you from fulfilling your destiny, even though you may be completely innocent and have done none of the things people think you have to do to get a demon. If you aren't spiritually equipped (and children usually aren't, but are very vulnerable) it will enter in and that's how people end up having demons their whole lives without even realizing it. Back to what happened..

The demon in charge started speaking up and the girl was speaking in a hissing voice to describe what she was hearing (it wasn't speaking through her directly, although that happens at times). It called itself morte ("death"). It said a lot of horrible things to the girl like, "We're going to kill you and celebrate your death," "no one's going to come to your funeral because nobody cares about you," "you're going to die because your parents don't love you," and "we are going to take Jesus off his throne and kill him." They even gave her a vision of putting fire on Jesus' butt and him running around frantically trying to put it out. They mocked, threatened, lied, and said all the typical stuff that poopheads usually say. Nothing that an innocent young child would come up with on their own. They also said, "Tell him to quit calling us poopheads!" and "He's stupid, quit listening to him".

The older sister (who is 11 yrs old) told her younger sister, "Just lift your hand up to them and use Jesus' magic and go (insert power-blasting noise here)." The only way they know how to call the power of God is "Jesus' magic" but hey, they already know how to use it better than most people with the right terminology.

So the younger girl went into her imagination (By the way grown ups, that means she began to engage the spirit world) and did in a vision what her sister told her to do. Then a big smile came on her face as she opened her eyes and said "They all went out of my head! They're gone!" and she actually saw Jesus show up in the room and start dancing and singing about how she was delivered. She said "He's right behind you dancing and singing" and she stood up and showed us how Jesus was dancing and sang the song he was singing.

After her little sister's deliverance, the older sister said, "You know, the only thing I'm afraid of is mirrors." "Why?" I asked. She then told me about nightmares she had for a while during which she came to sleep in her parents room because she was afraid (by the way-  parents, don't just brush off these things with your children. If you try to tell them the "monsters" aren't real it won't help them because that doesn't get rid of the attacks and the kids won't believe you anyway. Real or not, they scare the heck out of children, so you need to pray with kids and teach them how to use the power and authority of Jesus over the enemy).

In her nightmares there was a mirror with a woman in it who wanted to kill her. The woman had long black hair, pale white skin, black lips and black blood running out of her mouth.

So we prayed. During deliverances the person will always feel, hear, or see demonic manifestations (or a combination of the 3). So far every time I've done a deliverance with a child they have had visions (as well as other manifestations). This girl saw a big demon holding a mirror in front of it with the same lady as in her nightmares. Behind the big demon were countless smaller demons. When the demon showed up I told the girl to do the same thing she told her little sister to do (use "Jesus' magic to kill it"). She had her eyes closed and her facial expression got very tense, after less than 10 seconds her face relaxed again and she opened her eyes, saying "I did it! I killed him!"

Kids are really good at thrashing devils. "Great! Now what about the woman in the mirror?" I asked. She said the woman was still there but wasn't in the mirror anymore (the demon shattered the mirror for some reason). I said "Okay now do the same thing." She closed her eyes again and her face got tense, but then she said "Its hard, can you help me?" so I said sure.

I asked the little sister to come help, so she laid hands on her big sis and prayed in tongues. I did the same thing. The older sister saw her sister and I appear next to her in her vision and she felt stronger, then she killed the evil lady and all the other smaller demons ran away. Deliverance! Even more fun with kids :)

A few minutes after this the little sister said "Ah! They all came back into my head again!" She got really upset and started crying. I said "Its okay, you're okay, we'll just do the same thing again and this time we're not going to let anything come back." I prayed for her and the demons manifested.. They told her, "The others were going to kill you, but they left so now we are going to kill you." More empty words, as usual. Her older sister instructed her again, "Just close the door and put up the sign, and do this (she crossed her arms in front of her chest and gave a defiant sigh *Humph!"). Her little sister came out of her vision, very happy and excited again, and said she did what her sister advised and they all ran away!

I taught them more about how to resist demons and not let them come back when they try to, then taught them to start seeing angels. By "taught" I mean I just prayed "Father open their eyes to see angels" (see 2 Kings 6:17) and told them "Close your eyes and look for the angels that are in this room." (They had already seen demonic spirits, so might as well see God's ministering spirits too!)

The older sister saw several angels including our personal guardian angels that looked like us (see Acts 12:15). One of the angels was brushing its teeth and I thought "That's kinda strange," but then Holy Spirit let me know it was a sign to the girls to speak life and not to speak evil, so I taught them for a bit about the power of their words.

Apr 15, 2013

Healing the World: Combining the Gift of Healing with Poverty Reduction

My guest blogger today is Michael Grenholm, who describes himself as a 'charismatic activist' from Sweden. His blog can be found at Holy Spirit Activism.

In his great autobiography Voice in the Night, South African pastor Surprise Sithole shares an amazing event that happened shortly after he had met his present co-worker Heidi Baker, director for Iris Ministries, for the first time.

Cholera had struck a community, and being a highly contagious disease that could lead to death, most people would run the other way. Surprise and Heidi went straight into the fire. They had to argue with the health workers for a long time before they could enter the hospital tent. Inside, the stench was horrible and the suffering of the people even greater. 

Surprise writes: 
"Heidi walked straight into this disgusting, foul-smelling, life-threatening mess. She knelt down beside people to pray for them. She lovingly wiped the perspiration from their foreheads. She took the children in her arms and hugged and kissed them - pouring out her life again and again. Her courage and grace amazed me, and I tried my best to follow her example."

As they prayed, more and more got healed, rising from their beds with their symptoms gone. For those who weren't healed, they loved and hugged them and brought them clean water. Amazingly, neither Heidi nor Surprise came down with Cholera after this event.

Isn't this wonderful? The Bible is full of examples when the gift of healing is used to help the poor. The blind beggar Barthimeus gets healed in Mark 10, the lame beggar outside the temple gets healed in Acts 3. The gift of healing isn't just good at getting rid of sickness but also poverty.

Healing grows out of compassion. It is when we love the sick and share their pain that we will be able to pray effectively for them. Likewise, poverty reduction and humanitarian activism grow out of compassion. If we like to talk about and pray for healing, but aren't passionate about alleviating suffering and saving lives through supporting aid relief, are we really driven by compassion? If we really care for people's well-being, we cannot ignore poverty.

The needs are enormous. One billion people live in extreme poverty, that is on less than 1.5 dollars a day. 800 million go to bed hungry each night. Every year, 200 million people are affected by natural disasters. Billions lack sufficient health care. Billions lack a toilet. 1 John 3:17 says that if we have material resources and see our brother in need but close out hearts for him, the love of God cannot abide in us. If we are able to help, we have to help. 20 % of the world's population consume 80 % of the world's resources. The West is plundering the Rest. But God wants it to be equal for all (2 Cor 8:13).

People like Surprise Sithole and Heidi Baker are good at combining healing with poverty reduction. Let's join them in that cause. Jesus Himself said that the signs of Him being the Messiah are that "the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor" (Mt 11:5).

Apr 12, 2013

The Three 'Knows' of Ministry

My guest blogger today is Joel Adifon. This message was originally posted here

In the past two years, I have read many resources on the gifts of the Spirit and ministering to people – some of them have been extremely helpful.

However, in the past two months, God has been showing me just how simple operating in the gifts was meant to be, how the phrase, ‘it’s all about relationship’ has been butchered and has been made into a terrible cliché.

Holy Spirit has been ruining my ability to listen to sermons on His gifts that stem only from principles apart from relationship with Him.

He showed me that moving in power can be boiled down to three keys (Listed here in order of important to most important).

KNOW HIS WILL – F. F. Bosworth, the famous healing evangelist, said “Faith begins where the will of God is known”. All ministry starts from this place. It is impossible to fully pray in faith until you are certain of what God’s will is for a matter.

Why?

Jesus instructed us to pray for the Father’s Kingdom to come, for His Will to be made manifest on earth as it is in Heaven (Matt 6:10). We are to restore creation to the original design, purpose, and intention that God has for it. But, if you don’t know what that is – if you don’t know that it’s always God’s Will is to always heal, always God’s Will to save, and always His Will to deliver – then you’re going have to have a hard time confidently decreeing restoration because you’ll always be second guessing yourself. It is impossible for a double-minded man to receive most things in the Kingdom, because most things in the Kingdom come by faith (Jas 1:7-8). But, knowing the Will of God is just a starting point. If this is all you have, then there is huge potential for you to get into striving and attempting to make things happen in your own strength. There’s something greater than knowing God’s Will.

KNOW HE’S GOOD – You can know the Will of God, but something happens when you become convinced of His Goodness, when you come to the realization that He wants people healed, saved, and delivered much more than you do – when you understand that He’s much more compassionate than you are. Then, your focus is no longer on trying to make a miracle happen, so much as declaring who He is in the midst of a situation and allowing the circumstance to testify of His goodness. You will see more people healed and restored because you will begin to understand the Romans 8:31 principle of, ‘If God is for me, who can be against me?”

But, have we arrived once we’ve gotten a revelation of God’s goodness?

The problem is, if we stop here, we can begin to get your identity out of showing God’s goodness to people.

What happens if the person doesn’t get set free or even dies?

You understand that it wasn’t God’s fault – but then, whose fault is it? Without a revelation of something more than just knowing God’s goodness, you will begin to turn introspective and try to find the ‘hidden sin’ or find out what you did wrong. You can have a revelation of God’s goodness, you can be conscious of the fact that God wants to see people healed, saved, and delivered more than you do, but this, in and of itself, is not a guarantee that you’ll be able to get the job done when the situation calls for it. Something higher than understanding God’s goodness needs to come into play.

KNOW HIM – Honestly, this gets so hyper-spiritualized in the Charismatic church, it’s not even funny. We have turned the prophetic into a tool for ministry, but it is so much more than that. God does not want to talk to us, just so we can tell others what He’s saying. God wants to talk to us, just because He wants to talk to us. When was the last time you went to a movie with Jesus? When was the last time you took Him out to eat and had a conversation with Him that wasn’t overtly ‘spiritual’? Honestly, too many of us, are trying to know Holy Spirit so we can be ‘good at ministry’ and not enough of us are trying to know Him, just to know Him.

Lately, I have been focusing solely on spending time with Him everywhere I am, on really walking out the revelation that there’s no separation between Jesus and I and we’re together all the time, and the results that I have been seeing have been blowing my mind. Healings are happening much faster, because I’m finally starting to act as if there’s no formula for healing, that it’s not about what I say or do, but about WHO I’m in love with. Now, it’s truly possible for me to apply the concepts I’ve learned from knowing His Goodness and knowing His Will because I can now ask the Teacher for help when I get stuck. Why?

Because I’ve learned to hear Him apart from the context of ministry and have studied (gotten acquainted with) His character and nature in everyday life and can now ‘show myself approved’ (2 Tim 2:15) – manifest what I’ve learned - as opposed to having ‘studied to show myself as being good at ministry.’

Knowing what He’s like through direct experience gained from practicing His presence make me more bold, it brings out a confidence that I wouldn’t have otherwise because Perfect Love casts out all fear (1 Jn 4:18). Not only that, but I’ve found myself being more creative in how I minister. I ask Jesus what He wants to do in the person’s body and then I participate with Him. It’s no longer about commanding or saying or doing the right thing to twist God’s arm into moving. No, His swag switches up constantly, so the way I minister does too.

Sometimes, I’ll thank Holy Spirit for something I see Him doing without my having asked Him. Other times, I’ll invite Holy Spirit to manifest His presence, watch what He’s doing, then act in response to that. Sometimes, I’ll ask Him to do something and then wait until He does. Other times, I’ll move out of my authority and watch as He backs me up. And then other times, when I ask Him what He wants to do, He’ll smile, turn to me, and say, ‘Well, my dude, what do YOU want to do?” The only way I’ll be able to move with Him this way, is if I spend time cultivating an intimacy with Him that spreads out into my normal everyday life. Learn to walk with Jesus as a real human man, learn to hear His voice, hear the desires of His heart, and encounter His personality, and flowing in the gifts will be really easy. All ministry is, is a dance with Him.

So let's recap.

KNOW HIS WILL – Knowing His Will allows faith to manifest and for you to move out of a measure of authority.

KNOW HE’S GOOD – A revelation of His Goodness empowers you to walk with the confidence that He’s backing you up and wants this thing to happen more than you do.

KNOW HIM – Knowing Jesus outside of a ‘work environment’ ;) allows you to know what He’s like and how you flow with Him. This ensures that when you get into a situation that requires hearing His Voice, you’ll be able to receive His guidance and act accordingly.

Well, I hope this helps!

Apr 6, 2013

Miracle Car Repair

The Facebook version of this story (with comments) can be found here.

We have this car that we bought last year for our daughter so she could go to school. It has a lot of miles on it. It's been running rough for 6 months - hesitating and stalling at intersections. My daughter moved, so we don't need it anymore, but I didn't want to sell it in this condition.

So I thought I'd begin fixing it by changing the spark plugs and a few other parts and thought maybe I could getting it running better before we sold it. On my way out to the garage to work on the car, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Didn't I fix the iPod dock?"

(silence)

I thought, "Ummmm.....yes, Lord. You sure did."

As I walked to the tool box, I thought, "Why not? If He fixed a broken iPod dock, He could make this broken car run like it was supposed to."



So I got inside the car, closed the door and started making declarations that the ignition system would work properly and the fuel system would be cleaned out.

"Come On Angels!! Get to work on this car and make it run, in Jesus name!!

I prayed over it and made declarations for 3 or 4 minutes. Then I turned the key and drove it down the street. At the first intersection, it accelerated smoothly. It hadn't done that since I can remember. I drove it for about 10 minutes, hitting a lot of intersections.

At some intersections, I felt a little fear creep into my mind. I wondered what I would do if it started to hesitate. Sure enough, the car hesitated a little when I became fearful. So I commanded the car to be healed and kept driving.

I dealt with the fear by imagining the car accelerating smoothly through each intersection. Each time I did this - there was no hesitation.

I drove home and told my wife. She didn't believe me. So we went for a drive. The car drove perfectly and never hesitated once.

So what's the point of all this?

BELIEVE!!

Just believe that God wants to fix your broken junk!

Believe Him when He tells you things you don't have a grid for. In faith - speak to the junk and command it to work.

Get the angels to help you out. They kinda dig miracles and it keeps them busy & entertained. They like to watch unbelief vanish.

(And remember - when you're doing the happy dance before the Lord - they're dancing with you.)

Apr 3, 2013

Lymphoma Healed

This is the testimony of a man healed of lymphoma at one of John Mellor's meetings.


Mar 31, 2013

The iPod Dock Healing

The Facebook version of this story (with comments) can be found here

About 8 years ago, (before we were married) my wife was given a Bose iPod docking station from her son as a gift.

The docking station is a portable sound system that amplifies your iPod  Bose makes some of the best quality sound equipment and this docking station gets a lot of use. In the summer, we put it out by the pool to have music outside. It's the only thing we have for listening to music, except our computers.

About a month ago, the docking station gave up the ghost. It just stopped working. It wouldn't power up. We tried plugging it in to different outlets and did the usual troubleshooting, to no avail. Her beloved iPod dock was toast. (With no vegemite in sight.) We were pretty bummed out.

We have friends (Gwen & Larry) who had been in the area for a couple of weeks looking for home. We invited them over and planned a dinner party beside the pool.

They're a little 'outside the box' when it comes to how they walk out their life with Jesus. Gwen is the one who taught me how to command storms to cease a few years ago. She drives her car for days on an empty gas tank. She's one of those people who has incredible faith in God and knows her identity. Miracles follow her like crazy.

When they arrived, we were getting prepared. My wife took the broken docking station outside and placed in the stand on the patio - knowing that it didn't work. I didn't think much about it at the time.

We made some margaritas and got comfortable on the patio. Gwen and my wife got to talking and decide that it was time to pray over the broken iPod dock, so we could have music. (I later learned that she had this all planned out.) She believed that if, by faith, she brought it outside, plugged it in and had us pray over it, God would repair it.

So that's what we did.

The four of us stood in agreement and declared that the docking station would be repaired.

While I was praying, I saw a vision of broken electrical wires. So I commanded them to be made new. The others prayed as they were led by the Spirit. After everyone was done praying, my wife walked confidently over and turned the iPod on.

Music came forth. The docking station has worked perfectly since then.

We all rejoiced at God's gracious hand and the love He has for His kids. It was a wonderful night of telling Holy Ghost stories and praying for each other's needs.



Mar 28, 2013

The Voice

I awoke in the morning to the awareness that something was different. As I lay in bed, I heard a mysterious voice, softly speaking in a way that brought peace to my mind. It was not external but internal.
Internal, and yet...not mine.

It’s impossible to describe what it's like to someone who hasn't experienced it. There was a soft, whispering voice blowing gently through my soul. It wasn’t my own mind. They weren’t my thoughts. They belonged to someone else.

The thoughts were distinct and different from the type of thoughts I would think. There was a quality to the voice that was like nothing I’d ever heard. Then suddenly, I remembered what happened the night before. I asked God to give me a voice to follow. This voice seemed to be exactly that.

I went downstairs to the day room. I saw a firefighter. I was about to say something to him, but the voice gently reminded me to be kind. When I met another, the voice reminded me to say something nice instead of being sarcastic. With each person I met, the voice gave me direction. “Be nice.” “Be kind.” “Don’t be grumpy.”

“What was going on?” I wondered. “Who was this voice and how long would it be with me?”

I realized that I had been born again . The Spirit of God had come to live inside of me. The voice I heard was the voice of God Himself. I was in a state of shock to think that the God who created the stars cared enough to come down from heaven and live inside of me.

“Those born-again Christians were right all along.”

It was a bitter pill to swallow. The Jesus I had always hated was living inside of me and He had come to be my friend. The Christians I hated were now my family. Talk about having your world flipped upside down.

Although I was bitter at being proved wrong, that was a minor issue. I was, in fact filled with inexpressible joy. I was going to heaven. I was loved by God. I had finally found the meaning of life. Joy filled my heart as I meditated on the sublime beauty of the death of my savior and His life in me.

I was astonished to have survived the first day of the weekend without running a call. I knew it had to be a divine set-up. God had set aside this weekend to have a meeting with me and He had my full attention. We finally responded on a call around 9am Sunday morning to a familiar address. It was my neighbor’s house. The oldest boy, who was a diabetic, had a sudden drop in blood sugar and was unresponsive in the kitchen. We started an IV, gave him an amp of dextrose and he woke up.

“It just had to be their house,” I thought. “The only call I would go on the entire weekend and it just happened to be to the only friends I know who are Christians.” I told them what happened. They were glad to hear my testimony.

For the next month, everywhere I went, twenty four hours a day, the voice was my constant companion; telling me gently how to act or what to say. Any time I was tempted to do something selfish, the voice gave me a gentle reminder to do the right thing.

I’d been an atheist (and a Darwinist) for years. But now that I realized that I was wrong about the existence of God, I had to know what else I was wrong about. I began questioning all of my beliefs. I spent the next year researching the other side of the argument of evolution and came to the conclusion that Darwin was probably wrong. There was so much evidence against his theory; it seemed foolish to continue believing in evolution. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. The way the world worked, the reason people lived the way they did, my liberal political views and the meaning of life itself, all came under the microscope for examination.

After my conversion, I bought a transistor radio and earplug. I listened to a Christian radio station 24 hours a day. I often fell asleep to a sermon or worship music. I developed an insatiable appetite for the bible and every time I read about the crucifixion I began to cry.

The pastors I listened to said we had an obligation to ‘witness’ to those who didn’t know Jesus. After all – we didn’t want them to burn in hell or miss the rapture, did we? I had a tremendous fear that the end of the world was fast approaching and that we needed to get as many people saved as possible before the rapture. So I witnessed like there was no tomorrow.

At work, I became an overnight witness for Jesus. I told everyone what happened and threw in a little fear - mongering, trying to scare them just enough to get them to accept Jesus. I must have shared my testimony 100 times in the first few months alone. It was a ‘Road to Damascus’ conversion and I felt everyone needed to know about it. The good part was – people saw a different person from the one they had always known. The bad part was – I was turning into a religious zealot and didn’t know it.

My ‘witnessing’ wasn’t well received. I was alienating friends, family and co-workers. I told myself they didn’t like me or my testimony because they hated God. And that was perhaps partly true. But part of it was my approach. Looking back, I realize that I was full of enthusiasm, but I lacked wisdom and love. I had become an obnoxious, born-again bible thumper, but I didn’t know what else to do.

During this time I learned a lot about the church, but it would be seven years before I would meet the man (known on Facebook as 'Northwest Prophetic') who would begin to mentor me in the life of the kingdom.

About six weeks after my conversion, I noticed that the voice was beginning to fade. At the time of my conversion it was loud and clear, but now it was barely perceptible. I worried about what was happening. Jesus said, “My Sheep hear my voice” and I wasn’t hearing him very well any more. I wondered if I was losing my salvation.

I worried until I read an account from C.S Lewis about his own conversion. Lewis noted that the voice of God comes alongside of us for season, to help get us on track. But after a while, we must learn how to live from our own conscience, knowing right from wrong without needing to hear from God every time we act. Like a child who needs training wheels on their bicycle at the start, with practice, the training wheels must eventually come off.

And so the voice slowly receded and I began to walk in newness of spiritual life on my own.



Mar 25, 2013

Meeting Jesus


And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment...
(John 16:8)

After my partner and I buried the hatchet, the stressful work environment cooled off and things went back to normal. We were both much easier to work with. I did something I’d never done before; I gave someone with less experience permission to correct me. My partner was agreeable to the new plan, but he still kept a close eye on me. After what we’d been through, he didn’t trust me. In his eyes, trust had to be earned and I gave him a lot of reasons not to trust me. He needed to see if I was sincere about changing or if I was just blowing sunshine up his kilt.

A couple of weeks later, he told me about a book he was reading. He said it was a fictional book that discussed a lot of things that were happening in the world and he thought I might like it. I told him I wasn’t interested in fiction, but I might check it out. I asked what the name of the book was. He said it was called Left Behind.

A few weeks after this, I signed up to work a 48 hour shift on the Saturday and Sunday of Memorial Day weekend. Knowing that it was one of the busiest weekends of the year and that I’d be working the busiest medic unit in the county, I felt like I would regret the decision when it was all said and done. Who really wants to spend 48 hours getting brutalized by going on one call after another with no chance of rest?

On the Thursday before Memorial Day, my Lieutenant and I got into a conversation about a book he was reading. He said it was a great book and he thought I would find fascinating. The name of the book was Left Behind.

“Now what are the odds of that happening?” I thought. “How strange that two people would recommend the same book a few weeks apart.”

Mulling this over in my mind, he said I could borrow the book I wanted. (There were actually two volumes published in the series by then.) I didn’t think about it again until the next day. I thought maybe I should get a book to read in case it was a slow weekend, even though Memorial Day is never slow.

I called my Lieutenant and told him I wanted to pick up the books. I drove to his house and he gladly handed them over with a smile. I tossed them on the passenger seat and headed home.

I went to work the next day, expecting a busy shift. By mid-afternoon we had not run a single call. I got bored so I went to my car and got the books. I went upstairs to the medic bedroom. No one else was around, so I got cozy in my bunk and began reading. I was drawn to one character in particular; a middle-aged pilot named Rayford Steele.

Steele was a good husband to his Christian wife, but he was not a believer himself. Ray was a self-made man, who didn’t need to depend on God. He took care of things himself, ran his own affairs and didn’t feel like religion had anything to offer him. Ray was also confident that if there were a God, he would probably make it into heaven. It wasn’t like he was a serial killer or pedophile. He was a good man, for the most part. The way he saw it – the minor things he struggled with, like the occasional crush on a flight attendant could hardly bar him from entering heaven. As I read about his life, I realized that Ray was a lot like me.

The story line revolves around the rapture, which happens a few chapters into the book. Ray is piloting a plane, when a bunch of passengers disappear, unexpectedly. He lands the plane and with fear, drives home, hoping to find his wife is still there. She’d been warning him that the times were drawing near when those who loved Jesus would be removed from the earth in the rapture. Steele comes home and finds his daughter and wife gone. He realizes they were right all along and he knows from listening to their discussions that 7 years of tribulation lie ahead.

(For those of you who do not hold to this view of eschatology – please refrain from leaving argumentative comments below. I’m not endorsing this view. I’m just reporting on what the book is about.)

As I watched Ray’s story unfold, I began to realize that I was in the same place he was. I knew with certainty that if your connection to Jesus was what qualified you to get into heaven, I was never going to get in. I hated Jesus and I despised His followers. I had a hard time even saying His name without feeling disgust and loathing. Years ago, I had rejected the religious hypocrisy I witnessed as a kid. I had no need for religion or religious bigots and certainly didn’t want to be one. Yet I knew that if Jesus was my ticket to haven, I was bound to spend eternity in hell.

As I read, I encountered the message of God’s love, displayed in the death of Jesus. This wasn’t a new concept to me. I’d known about the death of Jesus and his resurrection since I was a boy. But I never thought he died for me. I never thought I needed to do anything with it. I mean – yeah, I understood that His death was a factual event, but it never meant anything to me personally, until this moment.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about him suffering and dying for me.

For me?

Why did God care about me? I was just another guy trying to live his own life and stay out of trouble. Why did He care about me?

As I lay there in bed thinking about eternity, I sensed something or someone in the room with me. I knew I wasn’t alone. I began having a conversation in my mind with someone who seemed to know everything about me.

“I’m a good person”, I thought. “Why do I need Jesus?”

Suddenly my mind began to recall every selfish thing I’d ever done and every mean thing I’d ever said. This presence that was with me, challenged me. “Are you really a good person? What about all these terrible things you’ve done?”

I didn’t believe in God. But I was becoming aware that this presence in the room with me was probably God. How else could I explain what was happening?

There was no way to hide my past. Thinking about the selfish things I’d done, how could I call myself a good person? I wasn’t a murderer, but I certainly wasn’t a saint.

I closed my eyes and tried to block out the thoughts He was bringing to my remembrance. With my eyes closed, I saw an iron gate and just beyond the gate - flames. I knew I was looking into hell. And I knew that hell was where I deserved to spend eternity.

I wept off and on for hours, wrestling with the fear of spending eternity in hell and giving in to God. I now know that the forces of darkness and the forces of heaven were engaged in a terrible battle over my soul that day. My mind was bombarded with fearful thoughts; “What people would think if I became one of those religious hypocrites?”

I didn’t want to be a believer. I tried desperately to fight the feelings of surrender, but I was loosing the battle. I felt like I was suspended between heaven and earth. I clung desperately to the life I had, but I was losing my grip. I had to make a decision. I knew that if I let go of my life, I would drop into the unknown abyss that lie beyond my comprehension. But if I clung to my present life, I would spend eternity in darkness.
It was late in the evening when I finally surrendered. Broken and desperate, I said, “God… I don’t believe in you. But I give up. I’m tired of living for myself. My life is a mess and I can’t fix it. I don’t know how to change. I can’t do it myself. If you want me to change, you need to give me a voice or something to follow.”

After saying these words, I fell asleep in a puddle of tears.