Releasing The Supernatural Presence of God

Every time I listen to Bill Johnson, I’m challenged in some part of my life. Most often it’s in the place of living the kind of life Jesus lived. Call me a fool, but I’m trying to take seriously the fact that Jesus said we would do even greater things than He did.

I’d heard this particular message before, but this time his words brought to mind something I’d been wrestling with for a long time. Bill hinted at the answer I’d been looking for. He loves to hint at the answers, without coming right out and telling you the full implications of what he's saying. There’s always a pregnant pause for reflection.

The message was on hosting God’s presence. If you aren’t familiar with hosting the presence of God, I recommend viewing the video (here) because much of what I’m about to share is tied to the concepts he illustrates so well.

As Christians, we are carriers of God’s Spirit and partakers of His divine nature. God is present in and resides with us. His presence in us is the life and power behind all that we do. He has enabled us to do things that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. His divine enabling is one aspect of His grace. While the law sets prohibitions on what we can do, His grace enables us to do more than we would ever dream of before receiving it.

Jesus often released the power (or presence) of God into a situation to bring about an expected result. He said, “The words that I speak are spirit and they are life.”

His very words carried the spirit and life of God in them. As he spoke to the sick, his words destroyed sickness. He knew how to release God’s presence. The release of God’s presence isn’t always under our control. Sometimes it flowed from him as he passed through a crowd like with the woman who was healed of her flow of blood.

Peter understood that he carried the presence of God. When the lame man asked for alms, Peter said, “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” (Acts 3:6). What did Peter have? The presence of God. As he released it into the lame man, it enabled him to walk.

The instruction of Jesus was aimed at helping the disciples understand this concept; that they were carriers of God’s presence. As such, they had been authorized and empowered to do more than they realized and they were often afraid to fully walk in this reality.

When the loaves of bread were multiplied, it was the disciples who perceived that the multitude was hungry. They went to Jesus about the problem. They offered two solutions; send the crowd home, or buy them food. Having little money, they suggested sending them home. Jesus told them, “You give them something to eat.” In His instruction, Christ gave them the supernatural ability to carry out his command and they didn’t even know it. They gathered some bread and gave it to Jesus, expecting him to work a miracle. He blessed it and handed back a handful of bread. It had not yet multiplied. It was when they obeyed his command to feed the multitude that it multiplied. And it happened by their own hands.

Apparently, they either didn’t realize they had worked this miracle or they didn't remember it the following day as they sat in the boat being tossed about in the storm. Had they remembered the miracle of the loaves, they may have rebuked the storm themselves. But in their fear, they forgot the enabling they had received and Jesus had to calm the storm for them. He then chided them, because they didn’t remember the loaves. The disciples often forgot who they were and what they had been authorized and empowered to do. And so do we.

Many of us are fearful of overstepping our authority to operate in the supernatural. We say, things like, “I’ll participate in the supernatural, but only if God leads me in the experience or only if He initiates it.” The fact is - the natural man perceives supernatural experiences to be dangerous.

We're taught to fear the supernatural on the premise that it can lead to deception or harm. I won't tell you that it can't harm you or lead to deception. That would be naive. Satan owns a large chunk of supernatural real estate and it's not hard to find. While I appreciate the danger the enemy poses, I’d like to explain why avoiding the supernatural isn't the solution.

One of the ways God speaks to us is through preachers. One of the ways Satan deceives the world is through men and women who preach a perverted gospel. Should we abandon preaching because the enemy has found a way to deceive people through a false message?

Of course not.

The problem isn't that preaching itself is dangerous. The problem is that many of us are not able to discern truth from deception. The real problem lies in the heart of the ones who hear the preaching. If all God’s people exercised proper spiritual discernment, false preaching would have no audience and pose no threat.

One way God speaks to us is through dreams. One way the enemy speaks to us is through dreams. Should we refuse instruction from God through dreams, simply because the enemy has found a way to use them to deceive us?

Of course not.

The proper approach is to learn how to discern the difference between God’s dreams and the enemy’s and disregard the ones from the enemy. Sorting out dreams is a matter of learning God’s ways, recognizing His voice and His agendas, and learning to interpret the dreams by His Spirit. These are all things that come to us as we mature in our walk with Him.

One way God manifests His mercy is through healing. The enemy has found a way to heal people as well, through various counterfeit forms of healing. Should we reject the ministry of healing because the enemy has used it to deceive people? Again, we can’t reject the legitimate expression of God’s love because some have fallen for a counterfeit. We must learn to discern the one from God and teach others how to spot the counterfeits.

The prophets and apostles traveled in the spirit from place to place doing all sorts of bizarre things. Jesus himself traveled across lakes, alone and with the disciples, supernaturally. The enemy has learned how to transport people supernaturally through experiences like remote viewing and astral projection. Should we reject the idea of supernatural transport merely because the enemy has developed a copycat?

Of course not.

The problem once again is not that supernatural transport is a form of deception, but rather that we must learn how to discern the spiritual pathways of God from the highways of the deceiver and walk only on the ones God has provided.

For some, the answer to the problem of deception is simply to refuse to participate in anything supernatural. For others, the answer lies in only participating if God sovereignly brings the experience to their doorstep. I would suggest that these attitudes are nothing more than fear and disobedience dressed up as prudence and caution. Whether you live a supernatural life or not, you’re subject to deception.

The enemy uses many ways to deceive us including the belief that supernatural experiences are of the devil. The lives of Jesus and the disciples demonstrate the exact opposite. It was their willingness to host and release the presence of God that kept them free of deception. As carriers of His presence they received revelation directly from God on spiritual matters, which kept them walking in the truth.

Jesus is the most supernatural man who ever lived, yet He only did what He saw the Father doing. From this fact, it might appear as if he lived from moment to moment never knowing exactly what the Father had in store for him next. Yet when we read the gospels we don’t see him caught off guard, as if something had just happened that he didn’t expect. He was intentional and deliberate in all that he did.

The Father didn’t drop him unexpectedly upon the waves of the sea. He went there on his own for a specific purpose. When he appeared to Thomas after walking through a wall, no one would suggest that the Father sovereignly tossed him through the wall. Jesus chose the wall instead of the door to make a point. It was a deliberate act, where he exercised his will to do something. When he raised Lazarus from the dead, he knew days in advance what he was going to do and he told the disciples about it.

It doesn’t seem to me as though Jesus waited for His Father to make the kind of “sovereign moves” many of us are waiting for Him to make. He knew His Father’s heart and His will, which allowed him to cooperate fully with the Father’s plan. When he saw the lame, He knew the Father’s heart was to heal them. When he saw the poor, he knew the Father wanted to feed them. And when he saw the storm, he knew the Father approved of his decision to speak peace to it. When the crowd tried to throw him over a cliff, he supernaturally passed through their midst with the Father’s consent. He operated in the supernatural without fear because He knew the proper actions to take. That knowledge came from studying and knowing His Father’s heart.

As we step out in faith, and cooperate with God’s plan, He will give us experiences to help us get to know His ways. As we learn His ways, we’ll grow in confidence that we’re doing the things He approves of.

Some of us receive words of knowledge. What are they for?

To reveal something God wants us to address. Often it’s to alert us to lay hands on someone who needs healing. Words of knowledge are nice. They’re God’s way of prompting us to take action. But we can’t always wait for God to move first. We must eventually take the training wheels off the bicycle. And that means we must learn to initiate the encounter ourselves.

I used to wait for God’s approval before I’d pray for anyone to be healed. As I’ve grown in my walk, I’ve learned that I don’t need to wait for Him to tell me to pray for a certain person. If I decide to lay hands on someone, He usually backs me up. If I miss someone who is open to healing, He'll often tell me.

God began speaking to me a few years ago about spiritual transport (It was His idea, not mine). He brought up the subject and gave me a number of dreams about it. One night, while sleeping, He transported me to Brazil – not to the country itself, but to the heavens over it. Confirmation of the trip came a few months later when a friend told me about a dream he’d had where I met him at a spiritual portal over Brazil. I'd never told him about my experience, so he wouldn’t have known about it.

God desires us to experience these things with Him. I’m not completely certain why, but in the coming days, spiritual transport will be more common. In a recent dream, I saw a representation of the spiritual highway of the kingdom. Its capacity to move people was being doubled.

One of the great questions we’ve been wrestling with in the realm of spiritual transport is whether we must wait on God to sovereignly move us, or if we should learn to do it of our own free will. There are arguments to be made on both sides, but in the final analysis, the question is the same one we ask of all supernatural experiences – must we wait on God to initiate it, or are we mature enough to know when and how to do it ourselves?

One objection often raised is that some of us will “seek the experience” for the sake of the experience itself, instead of seeking God as the provider of the experience. It's true that some of us will be lured into seeking the experience out of boredom, curiosity, or some other foolish reason.

What harm will come to them?

The same harm that comes to anyone who seeks the supernatural as entertainment.

They’ll learn that the enemy is the primary supplier of supernatural entertainment and it’s on his terms that they’ll play. And they’ll suffer the consequences of their immaturity. I think once again, that the problem isn’t the experience per se, but the foolish, immature heart that doesn't distinguish between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness. Thrilled by anything supernatural, they’re lured into darkness little by little.

I think it's always wise to invite God to be a part of our experiences. I rarely pray for anyone to be healed without asking the Holy Spirit to bring His presence and be involved in what I'm doing. How much more should we invite Him to be a participant in something like spiritual transport?

The issue may boil down to a matter of knowing the Father, His ways and His voice so well, that deception is spotted the moment it appears. If we're honest, some of us will admit that we don’t know the Father’s voice or heart well enough and we fear that if we make a move, it will be in the wrong direction. So we remain paralyzed; afraid to move in any direction.

Papa isn’t looking for pawns that can be moved around a chess board. He isn’t looking for timid creatures paralyzed by fear. He’s looking for sons and daughters, who are willing to accept responsibility, grow in maturity and cooperate with Him in a divine plan. He wants us to know that plan or at least the part that involves us.

Jesus said a servant does not know his master’s business. But after He revealed his plan to the disciples, he called them his friends. And that is how God sees us.

As friends of God we must grow in discernment so that we know when the enemy is speaking or acting instead of God. Part of that process is learning God’s plan, which provides a map for us. Another part is to grow in spiritual maturity, which comes by spending as much time with Him as possible, asking questions, meditating on the answers and trying out the gifts he’s given you.

Yes, we’ll make a few mistakes; we are His children after all and we haven't been this way before. But no mistake is wasted if we learn the lesson that comes with it.

-till next time,

PM

Hosting The Presence of God - Bill Johnson

Bill Johnson teaches on hosting the presence of God.

Jason Chin - "In My Shoes"

I saw this video that Jason Chin posted.

I liked it so much, I left a message on his Facebook wall.

Here it is:

I love the videos people like you, Todd, Pete and Thomas put out. I've really been encouraged by them. They've strengthened my faith a lot.

But when a person goes out on the streets and prays for a dozen people and no one gets healed, there are a lot of questions to be answered. And the video guys aren't usually around to answer them.

People who watch the videos get this idea that everyone is supposed to be healed every time, because that's what they see in the videos. They get a view of healing that's not really accurate.

We need leaders to show their failures, misses, mistakes, etc. I've probably posted as many failed healing stories as I've posted successes because I've had so many and I feel that people need to know it's not always going to work out the way you hope for.

Transparency in what we do is absolutely critical if we're going to be taken seriously and not seen as a bunch of delusional nut-jobs or magicians ala Chris Angel.

People not being healed is a huge part of being transparent. Yeah - it opens the discussion up to more difficult questions, but we're beginning to get some decent answers to the hard ones people ask.

Thanks for doing this. I would encourage others who make videos to do the same.

Here's a link to Jason's website; Lovesaysgo.com

Do Miracles Establish Our Identity?

After your identity in Christ is established and the miraculous life of the kingdom becomes more or less normal, at some point you'll be asked to show a stranger a miracle as evidence that you are the man (or woman) of God that you claim to be.

How do we respond to such a request?

Jesus worked miracles as part of the Father's witness to the message He carried. The miracles verified His message, not His identity. It's important to make a distinction between our message and our identity. They are not the same thing and they're not established in the same way. 

When the religious leaders demanded that He give them a sign to prove by what authority he did things, they were bringing into question His identity. He replied that they would receive no sign from Him.

Why did he refuse to show them a sign?

When His identity was questioned, He could have worked a miracle to prove who he was. When He was questioned about His identity in the wilderness, Satan asked him to turn a rock into bread as proof of His identity. But Jesus refused. He knew who He was. He didn't need to establish His identity for anyone. He knew what the Father had said of Him at His baptism. That was all the proof He needed.

When our identity is called into question, the issues we're facing are insecurity and pride. If we're insecure in who we are in Christ or if we're proud of who we are, we'll give in to the temptation to prove our identity by working a miracle. In doing so, we fall into the enemy's trap.

After Jesus ascended into heaven, the Gospel of Mark says that the disciples "Went out and preached everywhere, the Lord working with them and confirming the word through the accompanying signs." (Mark 6:20)

The message we carry is to be confirmed with miracles, signs and wonders. But the miracles don't validate our identity. God establishes our identity and our identity is a matter that stays between God and us. It seems wise to avoid foolish conversations, disputes and challenges where people question our identity and demand proof of who we are by signs and miracles.

Once our true identity is established, we don’t need to be concerned with who we are, but rather who we represent. “We preach not ourselves, but Christ”. If we keep the focus on Him and not on us, the issue of our identity should never be a matter of discussion.

Agnostic + Love = Believes

Pete Cabrera releases the power and love of God on this man who was an agnostic. The encounter changed his life. Anyone can do it. Just believe God. Then go and do likewise.

Rabbit Trails

Rabbit Trail:

1. Veering off subject or off the point of the conversation.

2. A story or explanation leading no where.

3. Making statements with no real purpose just for the sake of stating them.

Example:  "Dude I just wanted you to explain how to get to Wendy's and now you're going on a rabbit trail...get to the point!"

About a week ago I transported a patient to Banner Gateway Hospital in Gilbert, Arizona. Walking to the patient's room I noticed a nurse who was limping down the hallway with an immobilizer on her foot. As we passed in the hallway I told her I wanted to have a word with her after we dropped off our patient.

After we got our patient settled in I went hunting for her. It didn't take long. I walked over and asked why she had the immobilizer on her foot. She had torn her Achilles tendon and couldn't flex her foot, which now had a permanent foot drop. The immobilizer allowed her to walk without dragging her foot on the floor.

I asked if she wanted to be healed.

She gave me a funny look.
"What do you mean healed?"
"Do you use some kind of energy healing?"

"Not exactly," I said. "I pray with people and God heals them."

That brought a smile to her face.

"I believe in God and I know He heals people." She agreed to let me pray.

I crouched down and put my hand on the immobilizer and commanded the tendon to re-attach, pain and inflammation to leave and for spirits of pain to depart in the name of Jesus. I asked what she felt.

"It kinda tingles all around my foot."

"Well, that's because God is healing you. Why don't you take the immobilizer off and try walking on it?"

"I can't. If I take it off, I'll get yelled at."

She'd seen a specialist who said there was nothing that could be done. She came to work, but had to wear the immobilizer. If a supervisor saw her walking without it, she'd have to explain why. So it was easier to leave it on. I encouraged her to trust that she was healed and take it off when she got home.

While all this was happening a small crowd of nurses had gathered in the hallway. They were curious to know more about how I did this healing. I shared a few testimonies. One woman asked if I used some kind of energy healing.

"Nope....it's all Jesus".

They wanted to know my name and how to contact me. I ran out of business cards, so I wrote my contact information on paper towels.

One of the people who saw me praying for the nurse was my partner.

A few days later at the end of our shift, he brought up the nurse and the healing encounter and asked how I got started in healing. I shared a few healing stories and told him about the dreams. Then he asked if most people stay healed or if their symptoms return. I said that most people stay healed, though some have their symptoms return. He asked if I thought he could be healed. I said he could. He said he had neck pain for three weeks that hurt whenever he turned his head. I asked if he wanted to be  healed. He said he did, so I put my hand on his neck and commanded the pain to leave. I had a sense that God would bring heat to his neck so I asked Him to increase the heat. Then I asked what he felt.

"My neck feels pretty warm."

He turned his head left, then right and his mouth dropped open.

That's totally crazy!!! I can move my head and it doesn't hurt!! It's gone!!

We celebrated his miracle. I told Him that God is always looking for people to heal because He loves us so much.

The next day we were back at Gateway Hospital. We ran into the nurse who was still wearing the immobilizer. I asked how she felt. She said that from the time we prayed, she hasn't had any pain. She has a follow up appointment with her doctor in a few days. She's expecting a good report.

A co-worker sitting next to her asked if I was the guy she'd been talking about. Apparently there was a lot of talk about healing after I left. This woman wanted to know what type of healing I did. She practices Reiki. I told her my healing comes from Jesus.

She was interested in hearing more so I shared with her some of the things God has been doing. She wanted to know if I'd pray for her to be healed. She has three bad heart valves and COPD. I knelt beside her and asked the Holy Spirit to bring His presence then commanded her heart to be healed and asked what she felt.

"It's the weirdest thing.....I feel like there are butterflies in my heart. There's this wonderful fluttering feeling. And I can see the color pink."

I told her that sometimes I see the color pink, especially when I'm praying and I say certain words, like "Life", "Healing" and "Power". I see pink lights that glow brightly, which I think is how the Holy Spirit tells me that the words I'm saying carry healing power. Not only did she feel as if her heart was being healed, but she felt like she could breathe better.

We talked about healing for about 15 minutes. I told her how to find this website and my Facebook page if she wanted to learn more. She hugged me and thanked me for praying with her. I told her I'd be back for a follow up report.

This is how God can connect you to people who need healing through the power of the testimony. When one person is healed and they testify about it, their testimony encourages others to find you if they want to be healed.

I can't said this often enough - anyone can do this. I'm not a specially gifted person. I'm just an ordinary person like you, who happens to think that God wants to heal the sick. All these stories are for your benefit. I truly believe that if you look around for people who need healing and step out in faith, God will meet their needs and make Himself known to them.

The life of Jesus in us is demonstrated clearly whenever we show mercy and compassion to strangers.

- till next time.

Miracles in Sweden

Torben Søndergaard filmed his friends as they healed the sick on the streets of Sweden.

God Doesn't Want To 'Use' You

This message was written by my friend Joel Adifon. To see the original message go here. 


The phrase 'used by God' while now commonplace in the Church and Christian circles, can often be misleading.

Many people want to be used by God in ministry or to 'do His work'. Many people are still stuck under this performance mindset in which God is seen as a taskmaster they are trying to please and if they just work hard enough or do enough or be enough, they'll earn the privilege of having Him do mighty works through them.

This desire to have God work mightily in someone's life is not prideful or sinful. It is perfectly natural. It is in fact, intrinsic to our humanness, a deep longing that God Himself has placed deep within the heart of every man and woman.

This transcendent human inclination to co-labor with one larger than ourselves goes all the way back the Eden. We, like Adam, are created to participate in God's creation, to be an integral part of what He desires to be done on the earth. But without a proper understanding of sonship, this desire to serve and work with the Creator will ultimately become warped and twisted until our identity becomes attached to our work.

Our success or lack thereof will become our measuring stick in where we feel we stand with the Father. The truth is, God does not want pawns to move around on a board. The Father wants sons and daughters to whom He can entrust the deep desires of His own heart.

Jesus wants a family of brothers and sisters with whom He can freely share His emotions. Ministry and service flow from a place of allowing one's self to be loved by God, in spite of the visible flaws or inadequacies one might see.

Let God love you for who you are and be free to be yourself before Him. As a result, you will find yourself loving people for who they are and give them freedom to be themselves before you. When this happens,

You will heal the sick because you love people and want to see them loosed from the bonds of infirmity.

You will prophesy because you love people and want to see them released into their destiny by the words of their Father.

You will raise the dead because you love people and want to see them set free from the pain that the loss of a loved one brings.

 Let God love you as you are and you won't simply be a vessel to be used for His glory, you will be a son, an heir, partnering with Him to bring freedom to a broken world.

Brisbane's Teenage God Squad

The healing power of God is hitting the streets and churches of Brisbane, Australia through young men and women like Grant Shaw, who is featured in the news story.

I plan to visit Brisbane this year to teach on healing. Perhaps I'll meet them and share more about what God is doing there.

John Mellor - Revival In Scotland

This story was taken from John Mellor's Facebook page

In 2004 I was invited to Selkirk High School in the Scottish Border regions. I was the Christian representative for their annual World Religions Day. The school was anti-Christian and wanted to give the students a taste of all world religions and cults. There were JW's Mormons, Buddists, Hindus, Rastifarians.... You name it and they were there. We all faced the hundreds of students and had 5 to 10 minutes to present our different faiths.

When my turn came I stood up and declared that "Jesus is alive!" that He was present. I began with Words of Knowledge and declared...."There's a lady teacher here with shooting pains in her lower abdomen.....if you come here now I'll pray for you and you will be healed".

Well you could've heard a pin drop!

A teacher came forward and she was instantly healed. She cried out "It's real! it's real! the pain's gone!!!

I called out about 4 other students and they were all healed. One had a sprained ankle and he ran up and down the assembly hall! I was going over my time but the teachers and students cheered me on. I told them they needed Christ in their lives and then asked for permission to pray for the whole assembly to receive Jesus.

There was an open heaven and some of the other cult and religious leaders seemed quite agitated but I pressed on. Most bowed their heads and prayed the prayer to receive Christ. Afterwards at least a hundred teachers and students raised their hands in response to this. What an awesome God!!!!

They begged me not to leave and a teacher volunteered his very large home to hold a healing outreach meeting that same night. Many were again saved and healed. They begged me to come back and I did 2 weeks later held a meeting at Hawick down the road. The newspapers came and many again were healed and saved!

The biggest Scottish Sunday newspaper did a major story of a local blind man who received his sight. I don't have room to even tell a fraction of what God did.

The world is hungry to have the resurrected Christ revealed to them!!!!!

Yes, I'd love the opportunity to face Richard Dawkins!!!

ER Testimonies From Words of Knowledge

These are testimonies from Pete Cabrera, Jose Coelho and Cameron Waage about their experiences in a hospital emergency room as they released healing to the sick from words of knowledge.

Ninety Minutes With Mary

"Help me, doctor. I don't feel good."

"I know you don't feel good, Mary. That's why we're at the hospital."

"Doctor...I'm in a lot of pain. You gotta help me."

"I'm sorry Mary. I know you're in pain."

"You don't know, doctor. You have no idea how bad it hurts."

We arrived and took our place in line behind another crew at the registration desk. As we waited in the emergency room hallway for a bed, Mary struggled to get off the gurney. In her weakened condition it was easy to resist her attempt with one hand. She quickly gave up.

I've been haunted by memories of Mary for a month now. Images of her thin, emaciated body seem forever etched in my mind. It's easy to forget most patients if you try. But not Mary. We picked her up at a mental health unit where she'd been vomiting coffee-ground emesis for two days.

Her hospital gown seemed to wrap around her gaunt frame for ever. I can't recall transporting anyone so malnourished. It wasn't just her size. It was everything.

Her eyes were dull and lifeless and she couldn't seem to focus on anything. When she spoke, her mouth barely moved. Her tongue was dry and cracked. Her lips were a sickly blue. Her matted hair looked as if it hadn't been washed in a month. Her fingers were bony with raw, cracked skin on her knuckles.

"I need to go home, honey."

"Mary, please lie on the bed and wait. They'll have a room for you soon."

"When? It's been so long. I can't wait any more."

"They'll have a bed soon."

"Honey, you gotta take me home, now. I don't feel good."

"Mary, please be patient."

"I hurt honey, real bad. My back hurts so bad. I need a pain pill."

"I'll ask the nurse to get you something for pain when they get you a bed."

The nurse's station was busy. It was shift change. I overheard one nurse tell her replacement that they'd been slammed with ambulances in the last hour and had no beds left.

When an uninvited guest comes to a party and there are no chairs left, one solution is to ignore them until someone leaves. We were the uninvited guest.

Mary's restlessness couldn't be soothed. Every few minutes she tried to get off the gurney or begged us to take her home. She was terribly confused, having no clue who we were or where she was. After a patient left the ER, the crew in front of us descended on the now vacant bed.

"Doctor.....I need a pain pill. I hurt real bad."

"I know you hurt Mary, and I'm sorry."

Closing my eyes, I laid my head on the rail of the gurney and prayed silently, commanding pain to leave. I felt absolutely useless, trapped in what seemed like a hopeless situation. "Holy Spirit, bring your peace upon her."

"You don't know, doctor. You don't know how bad I hurt. I can't stay here. I need to go home."

She tried to get off the gurney. I held her in place. Minutes seemed like hours.

A nurse came over and asked what her story was. I gave him what I had. He asked if she had an IV. I told him no. She was so dehydrated, that her veins were completely collapsed. My IV attempts failed. He brought an IV tray over to the gurney and tried to find a vein to draw blood from, but had no luck.

He was as frustrated as I was. He didn't like parking us in the hallway for an hour but there was nowhere else to put her. He had other things to take care of so he left.

I had nothing else to do but wait. After an hour in the hall, another crew arrived. It was the same crew that was waiting for a bed when we arrived.

"I need to go home, honey. I can't stay here."

"Mary, you're very sick. You need to stay in the hospital."

"No, honey....take me home. I can't stay here. My back hurts so bad."

 "I know you hurt Mary. The nurse will give you something for pain when we get you in a bed."

"You don't know. You don't know how bad it is. I need a pain pill."

Mary's cycle of confusion and my time of testing continued for another half hour until a room finally opened up. Ninety minutes after we arrived, we moved her to the bed and gave report.

I've heard of long ER waits in urban hospitals. Legend has it the wait can be as long as two or three hours. I can't imagine working in a system like that. I also can't imagine how Mary came to be in this condition living at a mental health hospital.

In just 90 minutes, Mary had the opportunity to test just about every aspect of my character. Patience, politeness, professionalism, compassion.....and my willingness to pray. I'll probably never forget her, though I wish I could.

In eternity, I'll re-live this event one more time. And I'll get a chance to see things through Mary's dull, unfocused eyes. In that day, everything will be clear and sharp. Every thought exposed. Every detail revealed. The motives and intentions of my heart laid bare.

I can't help but wonder what that will be like.